Free Write

Make a move.

What are you waiting for? The story to fucking write its self? That's not how it works. Nothing in life is just handed to you--the keys won't push themselves. What's a good story if not something from the heart? Probably a crime novel. But none the less, a story that isn't told with passion is one that doesn't need to be told. I'm not talking about writing stuff that will just pull at the strings of someone's heart. I'm not inducing tears, that can be left to Leigh Anne Tuohy and her following. I'm just here to write a good fucking story and for people to appreciate it for nothing more than that. I'm not going to change your life, make you find Jesus.

Who am I? What am I doing with my life? Who the fuck cares. I'm 22 years old, a college graduate, and I like to write. No need to dig any deeper than that. I'm a kid with things to say. Relevant things? Probably not. But that's why I'm posting them on my blog. Not that anyone reads this anyway. Maybe I'm just proving to myself that I still care about writing. Maybe I'm trying to rekindle the talent and passion I've hidden away inside a sea of alcohol and routine. Routine. Isn't that what college is about? You wake up feeling like shit. Stumble half-assedly to class. Fight through the bore. Then you fuck around until you're ready to drink again. And that's where we learn the skills that will get us through the rest of our lives? But the thing is, the classroom isn't where you learn the real life lessons. In 15 years, hell, 15 seconds, no one is going to care what I can tell them about 17th century poets. I don't even care. But what I can tell you, is that in 15 years, all the experience with risk management and crisis control is going to pay off.

I'm rambling. I like it though. It just feels good to me to be writing again. I'm overlooking the fact that it isn't really going anywhere. If not another soul on this planet reads this, I don't care. This is for me. It's therapeutic. I haven't bothered to take the time to write outside of class in over four years. I've really missed it. I love writing, I won't lie. But, here comes the routine again, I didn't find college as the right environment to do so. Rush, rush, rush. In our chapter (much love to xi-eta) we considered rush to be something that was "365." Which pretty much means, if you're not rushing something, you're doing something wrong. Good concept, unrealistic in practice. But nonetheless, if you don't have homework or a test (ECC major, so that was a given)you're expected to drink and be sociable. Yes, you can be sociable and hang out if you're not drinking. I'm not saying you can't. I'm just saying that, in most cases, binge drinking is a 4 year fixture in your life, and if you go over that, problems could arise. So carpe fucking diem. If you don't have anything looming over you the next day, why not celebrate? The real world is coming faster than you think. Don't blink.

I'm back. "Enrolled but No Schedule" is too good of a name to be treated the way I have. She's a classy lady, a 5 star chick (shameless Memphis rapper reference). As I said, a story with no heart is a story that shouldn't be told. But I'm back, and I have that heart. And I'm ready to tell some fucking stories. What will they be about? Who knows, who cares? But I'm going to tell the shit out of them. I may not know where my life is going, but I know where my passion is going.

Make a move.

My Top 10 Albums of the Decade

Musically, this decade has been the one that has defined me. Before this decade, I was lost in a sea of commercial pop and rock, with a little hip hop flavor added in on occasion. I was lost, adrift. But I discovered something in the 2k's. That something was taste. These 10 albums were the biggest role-players to me discovering my true musical destiny.

And so it begins...

10. College Dropout - Kanye West 2004
So maybe Kanye's a terribly flawed person with issues aplenty, but frankly, this album isn't. From start to finish, Kanye brings us my favorite hip hop album of all-time. Lyrically, rhythmically this album delivers. Anyone who can look past the man and dive into the music will be rewarded greatly. Top Track: Never Let Me Down ft. Jay Z and J Ivy (who delivers one of the most memorable verses of all time.)

9. Gold - Ryan Adams 2001
My dad has commented that Ryan Adams has a tendency to put out several songs that are not truly worthy, just to put them out. The classic quality vs quantity battle rages on. Gold, on the other hand, is nothing short of golden. 16 songs of a man pouring out his heart. This album was one I found my sophomore year of college, and have fallen in love with it since. Top Track: Somehow, Someday (a chorus potent enough to stir emotions in a statue)

8. Downtown Battle Mountain - Dance Gavin Dance 2007
This was my first experience with one of the best voices in the biz. Call screamo music a fad, a dying trend if you wish, but this album is one that will endure the criticisms. Jonny Craig has an incredible voice, and when fused with the screaming and excellent guitar work, it just works. This album captures the perfect mix. Bliss. It's a shame Jonny departed the band after this album, though the two parties still live on without each other. Top Track: Open Your Eyes and Look North (captures Jonny's talent along with the rest of the band-- great breakdowns as well)

7. Translating the Name - Saosin 2003
Yeah yeah, back to back screamo cd's. But just as the last one by DGD, this one is incredible. Another of my favorite singers, Anthony Green (now of Circa Survive, who just missed the list), leads this album to greatness. Just as with Jonny and DGD, this is Anthony Green's sole album with Saosin, and is an ep at that. This collection of songs showcases Green's incredible vocals. Top Track: Seven Years (simply incredible)

6. Who Will Survive and What Will Be Left of Them - Murder by Death 2003
A great band who is constantly evolving with each release. Their second release, this one is the one that truly brought them into my life. With a mix of rock, folk, emo, and a cello?!, the whiskey/smoke tinged vocals bring it all together. With such a wide variety of influences, it's easy to see how they formed their own sound, and they did so perfectly. Top Track: Until Morale Improves, The Beatings Will Continue (a perfect example of them doing everything they do perfectly)

5. Full Collapse - Thursday 2001
This was the cd that originally turned me onto the whole emo scene. The first time I heard it, I was turned off by Geoff Rickley's voice (lead singer), then further disconcerted by the amount of screaming involved. This was a new concept to me. But it grew on me, and today, this remains one of my favorite albums, and I have fallen in love with his voice. Top Track: Understanding in a Crash (this is the song that opened an entire genre to me)

4. Pinkerton - Weezer 1996
This album was quite obviously not released in the 2000's, but I chose to include it anyway, because I did not hear it until 2001. I had heard of Weezer before, and really liked their songs. It's hard to top Say it Aint so or Undone (The Sweater Song), but this is the album that made Weezer my favorite band of high school. The raw songs of struggling as a geeky awkward rock star could not have been pulled off better. Top Track: Across the Sea (a true story about a fan from japan, catchy and emotional)

3. The Animal Years - Josh Ritter 2006
Wow, this guy is incredibly talented. Songwriting comes naturally to Josh Ritter. He doesn't feel the need to be elaborate, just beautiful and poetic. The album is simple and pure. Written from the heart. This alt-country masterpiece would make anyone a fan of the genre. Top Track: Thin Blue Flame (an lyrically genius song of epic proportions)

2. The Gleam 1,2 - Avett Brothers 2006, 2008
Maybe it's taking an easy way out combining the 2 ep's as one, but I'm taking it. It was an incredibly close battle for the top spot, but this masterpiece finished second. These songs are less of the raucous folk of their full-length albums, but the songs on here are so incredibly deep. They all have such deep meaning, and I relate to so many of them. A previous post on my blog (Solace in Song) is based on a song on the second Gleam. These songs show that The Avett Brothers are talented, introspective individuals who feel the same emotions we all do. They just are better at explaining them. Top Track: Murder in the City (the song my short story was based on-- beautiful song about the importance of family)

1. I'm Wide Awake it's Morning - Bright Eyes 2005
This album almost never made this list. After hearing it the first time, I hated it. He came off as pretentious and arrogant. A man who loved his own voice far too much. Upon hearing another song from a different record of his (Lover I Don't Have to Love) I gave this one a second chance. One of the best decisions I have ever made. Conor Oberst is one of the best song writers of my time, and this album is a perfect example of that. Political, emotional. You name it, he does it. Top Track: Take your pick, this shit is top-notch.

Red Bull

Teacher told us to close our eyes, hold out our hands, and eat the fruit she placed in them... Being a picky eater, I took a different approach.


Red Bull

Here you are in the palm of my hand,
Powerless, vulnerable, yet safe I assure you.
In a room full of you, you are soon to be endangered,
But you will be safe, while your friends perish.
You’re soft like a pillow, small like a pebble.
I’m sure you taste delicious,
But I don’t eat your kind
So I’ll sit and pretend and close my eyes,
The whole room none the wise.
I set you down in your new home,
A chilled cylinder chapel.
They say it gives you wings,
So fly away,
And you will never be forgotten.

A Plea to Coach Cal

Blue Shoes to Blue Grass

A few years ago, the foundation was laid
The city alive with the games we played
Wagner and Washington, big in a pinch
The city alive like when we had Finch
Not much time til we start to dance
The city alive, and we're in a trance
Hit a few hurdles when we're down to 8
The city alive, next year we can't wait
Break the wall down to 4, to 2
The city alive, look what we can do
Only gunned down by a blind man's luck
The city cries, the bell has struck
Now the grass is bluer on the other side
But come on Cal, the city's still alive

Lucille

"She's a beauty, aint she son?"
"Yeah she is pops," I say as the two of us sit down at the dinner table. And she really is. Her body curves like bends of the old highway 52 that runs back behind our house. Her skin shines and it's smooth. Ever so smooth.
"I found her down on Beale when I was about your age. I was playing the Kudzu Diner every night. Singing my heart out to the broken-hearted drunks. Thirty years later and she still can bring a man to his knees."
"I wish I could have seen you two way back then, dad."
"You shoulda heard her son. She could sing. She had the kinda voice you don't forget. When she wailed, people listened."
I wish I could have seen them, just dad and Lucille, singing the delta blues in that smokey, dimly lit dive. Singing for the sake of singing.
"She's had better days, son, don't get me wrong. But she's still got it in her."
Her slender neck has accumulated a few nicks over time. Her fretboard stained with years of sweat from dad's passionate playing.
"But she can still sing boy, she can sing. I want you to have her Albert. I want you to make me proud at that old diner, and sing your broken-hearted laments to those sinners lookin for a savior."

Past Your Prime

Two years now past since you’ve expired
Your tattered edges and chipped corners
show their age but not mine.
I was a freshman and only eighteen,
Not a care in the world, not a care at all

Memorized your details down to the t
Four inches short, eyes muddy brown
Off-kilter smile and hay colored hair
Surely not me, surely this won’t pass

Here we are three weeks to go,
Still reliable now and then
Retired and expired you soon shall be
Past your prime as I reach mine
I lose two years, I lose a friend.

The Original Short Short

It’s a hot day in Memphis. The kind of hot where you can’t remove enough layers to stay cool. But me and dad aren’t stopping, no sir, not stopping for anything. This is the first time I’ve seen him smile since Oliver died last fall. Dad was always fond of Oliver. He was the favorite son you could say. Oliver was of the same mold as dad, born with a blue collar around his neck. Calloused hands, tougher than the very earth he dug. But today is about us.

The tank’s full, concert tickets are in the glove box, and dad doesn’t have much to say. Music is the only real passion we’ve ever shared. He figures we ought not change that at this point. The keys jingle with every pothole I hit crossing the border to Arkansas.
“These damn roads ain’t gotten a lick better since I was your age,” says dad. “They’ve been workin’ on ’em for 30-odd years now.”
“Yeah dad, I don’t know what’s taking them,” I say, going along with his small-talk. The sweat is starting to bead on dad’s forehead.
“Can’t you get this thing any colder? Forty-thousand bucks and the thing can’t even keep an old man cold.”
“It’s 105° out there dad, there’s only so much it can do.”
Dad had always scoffed at the idea of luxury cars. He always had his trusty American work trucks. Dad mumbles incoherently about the heat once more, then reaches for the radio. The Avett Brothers serenades us over the speakers. One of the bands we are on our way to see. Thankfully they can engage dad better than I.

I wonder which brother is better

My eyebrows raise.

Which one our parents love the most

I’m afraid to look over at dad. Our way out of conversation is turning its back on us.

I sure did get in lots of trouble
They said to let the other go

Dad musters up a faux cough, indicating that he too feels our middle ground collapsing.

A tear fell from my father’s eyes
I wondered what my dad would say

I discreetly start to reach for the dial. I can’t do this right now. This is our trip to enjoy as father and son, even if it is in silence.

He said I love you
And I’m proud of you both, in so many different ways

As I finally touch the dial, I notice it’s too late. His hand is already firmly pressing the off button. Our eyes meet. A million scenarios run through my head, and none of them involves an enjoyable car ride.
“Franklin…” dad says in a stern voice. I look into his eyes, not knowing what to think. “Franklin…”
I’ve never seen dad speechless before now. Is this year-upon-year of guilt and negligence catching up to him?
“Frank!”
My eyes snap back to the road. Only a second too late.

Always remember, there is nothing worth sharing
Like the love that let us share our name.